Ex Christians

This post on Exchristians was interesting for a number of reasons.
1. Nice to know your existence is noticed
2. Some of the reasons cited were valid and genuine
3. That as a movement Exchristians are growing and becoming more active.
The negative side is obvious and consists mainly of failing to understand the reasons behind the leaving of faith.

I think though that the writer has missed a number of important issues. Maybe because he is in fact writing from a point of view that is apologetic and the nature of the publication that he is writing for. Exchristians are by their nature people who have been involved to varying degrees in the Christian church. To leave any organisation with which one has a deep involvement will take some pretty strong reasons.

I don't want to talk about these. Instead I want to look at the psychological consequences of leaving an organisation into which a person has placed a lot of themselves.

Firstly there are the fears and regrets that we all feel. Have I made the right decision? What if I am wrong? Did I really do all that for nothing?

Secondly the anguish that turns to anger when you realize you have been deceived or lied to, by those who claim to represent a good.

Thirdly there is the determination not to be duped in this way again by people claiming one thing and representing another.

Finally there can be for some the desire to help others who have not realised exactly what the organisation is doing.

So, will an intellectual response reconvert the Exchristian?

I don't think so.

A question from Susan

A question asked in a newsgroup.

Hi! I had a pretty good day yesterday and sat through two sermons
without too much trouble. On Easter Sunday I stayed home from the
evening service because I just didn't think I could sit through the
communion service. I have good days and bad days. Anyway, I've
been thinking over a few things that I'm curious about. This is
more directed at those who are or have been in a Christian
fundamentalist group and accepted Christ as Savior and were saved.
One thing that sticks in my mind from a sermon yesterday was about
how if someone who is "saved" goes astray and leaves the church and
gets into sin (I'm assuming this would be an obvious thing) will be
miserable because the Holy Spirit will convict them of it, and your
life will go downhill. And if this doesn't happen and you can
actually enjoy yourself, then you just probably were never saved in
the first place. Also, that the only way to financial success and a
life of success in general is doing it God's way, through faithful
church attendance, giving, praying, Bible reading, etc. I'm just
curious as to how it has gone for those of you who did leave the
church and the aforestated things behind. I've wanted to ask
someone that for a long time, because it seems to me that people in
church can be very miserable (put me at the top of the list) even
when one is doing all you can to do right as preached. I've left
after church services feeling so down because it seems impossible to
do all the things the pastor was preaching about, so why keep
trying. We aren't prospering financially in spite of generous giving
and that seems to be another contradiction. I suppose I'm to be
happy with the prospect of having riches in heaven and stop being so
materialistic.
This next topic is somewhat related, but it has to do with people
who had already made a profession of faith in Christ and were active
in the church, showed signs of growth as a Christian, etc. and all
of a sudden during a revival meeting or church service they realize
they actually weren't saved after all. Then they admit that it was
just pride holding them back from truly trusting Christ and
repenting, with repentance being the key thing here. That happened
with a few people in the church I grew up in after we had moved on,
and we heard about it from someone (amazing considering that we were
blackballed, that we even heard about it). Last spring a friend of
mine really got saved, where before she just thought she was. Then
last fall I was going through a tough time, the cause of which I
don't remember, and one Sunday morning she sat down and talked with
me about whether I was really saved and how she had been concerned
about me for weeks and just not sure how to approach the subject. I
ended up praying to make sure I was saved. Another woman in the
church had gotten saved (again?) just a few weeks before. That
evening when I stood up in front, a bit reluctantly, to say I'd
gotten assurance of my salvation, a few people called me "sis" and
so on, and it seemed strange. Now I'm on the list to be baptized
(this would be the fourth time, since I was sprinkled as an infant
and baptized in a Baptist church twice because I reassured myself of
my salvation around age 10), but I don't really want to do it
again. I'm a little afraid of the reaction if I don't do it. I'll
also mention that we're told that if you only pray a prayer for
salvation because you're afraid of hell, then you probably aren't
saved, because you have to repent. It makes me feel uneasy whenever
someone gets saved "again" like there's something a little off about
it, but hey, who am I to say what's going on in someone's heart and
mind.
Oh, I just remembered that the pastor said that if a spouse goes
astray then the family is surely doomed to destruction no matter how
hard the still faithful spouse tries to keep it together. Also,
that the backsliding spouse is bringing God's judgement on the
house, and also on the church probably. That would include having
doubts that the KJV is the only Word of God.
I heard that they've also noticed that I'm wearing pants more than I
used to and that's a bit of a concern apparently. I don't wear them
to services, just in my daily life, anyway. I feel like a rebel
because I want to dress as I like, within reasonable boundaries.
Well, I'd like to discuss one more point, but this is getting very
long.
Susan






There are many things I could say Susan to your questions. I stopped all inovolvement with church after Christmas. I have moved through all the phases of belief from conservative reformed through liberal to non-realist and finally to athiest.

As moved through all these stages one thing I have noticed is my sense of self worth has improved through each step. The first thing that changed for me was to realise that original sin is a horrible doctrine that puts those who follow it in a perpetual state of inferiority. Are we ever "good" enough 'holy' enough before God.

Was I ever saved? Of course I was fully and completely. I prayed studied the scriptures. I produced many spiritual fruits and brought many to Christ. Now I realise I was self decieved reading all sorts of "spiritual" meanings into perfectly normal human responses. The thing is those responses are still part of my life. Things that i used to call the 'spirits leadings' are my own best judgements and ideas, the 'presence of God' is my own feeling of belonging in this world. Non of the things I felt as a Christian have changed I still feel the same things.

Not feeling saved is part of the negative side of fundamentalist Christianity. You are meant to always doubt but say that you are certain you are saved. It is a psycological trick nothing more. If you realise that there is nothing to be saved from, you will see the faith very differently. It is worth pointing out that this salvation focus is fairly recent in the history of the church and far from the only way to view the faith.

In the end it has taken me a long time to step free of all that I grew up with and deeply believed. It has been difficult and painful. At the end however there is a sense of freedom and empowerment. Now that I can see the tricks and con games played on me over the years I have no guilt or negative feelings about leaving only a sense of beinging closer to the truth

Fat and Faith?

I hate it when I get up the morning and start to get dressed and find those pants have been shrinking again. Anyone else have this problem ? I think it's something in the water that's reacting with the cloth. My wife on the other hand thinks I'm gaining weight ( poor misguided woman ). I guess when I get older I might gain some weight, it can happen to us all. Although I am doubtful that it could really happen to me.

It seems watching TV I'm not the only one whose thinking about those extra kilos. The supermarket is stacked with low fat, sugar free and diet foods. I for one find most of these foods not particularly flavorsome. In fact I tend to translate the labels. So Low Fat = Taste Free, No sugar = Lots of Chemicals and Diet = This is for YOU FATSO.

I was amazed to read recently that by going on a diet you cannot lose weight only put it on! A long term study 15+ years showed 100% of dieters gained weight over the long term and the more they dieted the more they gained. The only thing that worked in controlling weight was permanent lifestyle changes. That means a balance of good food, exercise and positive attitude.

This struck me as very similar to the situation Christians find themselves in. A diet of church, bible study group, youth group, Christian social group, Christian music, Christian books, all Christian friends. It starting to look pretty similar. None of these things is bad in and of itself but is this a healthy balance?

Jesus might be a little perplexed at modern Christians whose churches look more like refuges for those escaping the world than powerhouses of spiritual change. In fact churches have become more like bunkers, keeping the evils of thinking and science away.

If true balance is to be found in our society then Christians will have to be lured out of their hiding holes and encouraged to embrace a wider world of ideas and people. Losing weight like talking to Christians is not an easy task, but it’s one the rest of us are going to have to tackle sooner rather than later.